The art of an apology can be learned. There are five fundamental aspects of an apology, which Gary Chapman calls the five languages of apology. Each of them is important. But for a particular individual, one or two of the languages may communicate more effectively than the others. The key to good relationships is learning the apology language of the other person and being willing to speak it. When you speak their primary language, you make it easier for them to genuinely forgive you.
The Five Languages of Apology are:
· Expressing Regret: “I am sorry” - Apology is birthed in the womb of regret. Regret focuses on what you did or failed to do and how it affected the other person.
· Accepting Responsibility: “I was wrong” – At the heart of accepting responsibility for one’s behavior is the willingness to admit, “I was wrong.”
· Making Restitution: “What can I do to make it right?” – A willingness to do something to try to make up for the pain I have caused is evidence of a true apology.
· Genuinely Repenting: “I’ll try not to do that again” – The word “repentance” means “to turn around” or “to change one’s mind.” The person regrets the pain he or she is causing the other person and chooses to change his behavior.
· Requesting Forgiveness: “Will you forgive me?” – Requesting forgiveness indicates that you want to see the relationship fully restored. It shows that you realize you have done something wrong. It shows that you are willing to put the future of the relationship in the hands of the offended person.
(Excerpt from “The Five Languages of Apology” by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas. Submitted by The Samaritan Counseling Center of the Fox Valley.)
The Five Languages of Apology are:
· Expressing Regret: “I am sorry” - Apology is birthed in the womb of regret. Regret focuses on what you did or failed to do and how it affected the other person.
· Accepting Responsibility: “I was wrong” – At the heart of accepting responsibility for one’s behavior is the willingness to admit, “I was wrong.”
· Making Restitution: “What can I do to make it right?” – A willingness to do something to try to make up for the pain I have caused is evidence of a true apology.
· Genuinely Repenting: “I’ll try not to do that again” – The word “repentance” means “to turn around” or “to change one’s mind.” The person regrets the pain he or she is causing the other person and chooses to change his behavior.
· Requesting Forgiveness: “Will you forgive me?” – Requesting forgiveness indicates that you want to see the relationship fully restored. It shows that you realize you have done something wrong. It shows that you are willing to put the future of the relationship in the hands of the offended person.
(Excerpt from “The Five Languages of Apology” by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas. Submitted by The Samaritan Counseling Center of the Fox Valley.)
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