(from the Samaritan Counseling Center of the Fox Valley.)
Henry Cloud in his book, Rescue Your Love Life presents eight things that marriages must work on to gain the most ground.
Lovers must work on themselves first: stop looking to one’s spouse to “make it better”, look to oneself and ask, “What do I need to change about me for the connection to be re-established?
Lovers revamp their expectations: too many marriages function with impossible requirements for each other. Scale back your expectations in accordance with reality. Expect things that really can exist in the relationship and give up what is not realistic.
Lovers nurture needs and accept weaknesses: each one nurtures and becomes a force for healing and growth in the other person. They help each other to get better.
Lovers love even when they don’t like: it is a reality that everyone has parts to them that are “unlikable” or things that we would not approve of.
Lovers repair communication lines: marriage is a connection and to connect with each other requires being able to communicate. Get rid of toxic elements that makes connecting impossible.
Lovers rebuild trust and understanding: they focus on the things that destroy trust and work on the things that can rebuild it. They sometimes add structure and help from others, and take it one step at a time.
Lovers rekindle love to rescue sex and vice versa. God uses the expression “to know one another” when speaking of sex. Good marriages realize that working on the sexual relationship is an important part of “knowing” one another. They know that good sex, like anything else, doesn’t just happen. It means being focused, intentional and healing the individual and relational things that get in the way.
Lovers resolve destructive conflicts, i.e., the ones that bring each other of the relationship down. They work towards a win-win outcome that goes beyond only playing “fair”.
Henry Cloud in his book, Rescue Your Love Life presents eight things that marriages must work on to gain the most ground.
Lovers must work on themselves first: stop looking to one’s spouse to “make it better”, look to oneself and ask, “What do I need to change about me for the connection to be re-established?
Lovers revamp their expectations: too many marriages function with impossible requirements for each other. Scale back your expectations in accordance with reality. Expect things that really can exist in the relationship and give up what is not realistic.
Lovers nurture needs and accept weaknesses: each one nurtures and becomes a force for healing and growth in the other person. They help each other to get better.
Lovers love even when they don’t like: it is a reality that everyone has parts to them that are “unlikable” or things that we would not approve of.
Lovers repair communication lines: marriage is a connection and to connect with each other requires being able to communicate. Get rid of toxic elements that makes connecting impossible.
Lovers rebuild trust and understanding: they focus on the things that destroy trust and work on the things that can rebuild it. They sometimes add structure and help from others, and take it one step at a time.
Lovers rekindle love to rescue sex and vice versa. God uses the expression “to know one another” when speaking of sex. Good marriages realize that working on the sexual relationship is an important part of “knowing” one another. They know that good sex, like anything else, doesn’t just happen. It means being focused, intentional and healing the individual and relational things that get in the way.
Lovers resolve destructive conflicts, i.e., the ones that bring each other of the relationship down. They work towards a win-win outcome that goes beyond only playing “fair”.
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